Health talk with Jessica: It’s time to move the needle on your self-love meter
When Valentine’s Day rolls around, we usually think about giving gifts to others. But what if this year, you showered yourself with love?
Self-care has become a buzzword reduced to candles and bubble baths. Self-love, however, runs deeper. It’s about how we talk to ourselves, treat our bodies, and build habits that support our happiness. According to two local psychologists, small and intentional shifts can move your self-love meter from running on empty to off the charts.
Here are seven sexy (and not-so-sexy) expert-backed ways to move your self-love needle this Valentine’s Day.
1. Purposefully appreciate your body
Dr. Melinda Myers, a retired Cal Poly Humboldt professor and clinical psychologist, says body appreciation is a powerful and underused form of self-love. She is also the owner of Good Relations, a lingerie and adult novelty store in Old Town Eureka.
“We can be really hard on ourselves, and that has a host of impacts on our brain,” Myers said. “We can get in the habit of appreciating the physical vessel we live in.”
She recommends a simple daily practice: looking in the mirror and intentionally appreciating one aspect of your body.
“We’re not in the habit of being positive about our physical bodies,” Myers said. “It’s easy to be critical, but it’s good and healthy to practice being positive.”
2. Give yourself permission to experience pleasure
Myers believes understanding what feels good is part of learning how to care for yourself. Myers notes that physical pleasure can reduce stress and help with sleep and understanding what works for you.
Paying attention to what brings pleasure, whether physical, sensory or emotional, can offer insight into what matters to you and how you connect with the world.
“Pleasure isn’t just about sex,” Myers said. “We get pleasure from all kinds of things, such as visualizing eating a beautiful bowl of pasta, dressing up or having a matching underwear set.”
3. Keep some things just for you
Myers emphasizes that it’s healthy to enjoy private pleasures, including personal thoughts during masturbation.
“It’s not bad to enjoy things privately, including physical pleasure,” Myers said. “You don’t have to share every private thought or fantasy with your partner or someone else.”
There is some controversy about that, she added, but self-love includes honoring personal boundaries, even within close relationships.
4. Dress in ways that make you feel good
What you wear can shape how you feel on the inside, even if no one else sees it. Myers says this sense of confidence often shows up in posture, presence and self-assurance.
“There’s something powerful about wearing clothes, especially undergarments, that make you feel good in your body,” Myers said. “You can feel confident and grounded just knowing you chose something for yourself.”
5. Change the way you talk to yourself
Steve Blankman, a clinical psychologist in Arcata, says one of the most overlooked aspects of self-love is managing self-talk. Blankman highlights praising yourself when praise is due and cutting back on self criticism. He encourages people to notice how often their self-talk focuses on what’s wrong instead of what’s working.
“Learn to see the glass as half full rather than empty when you make statements about yourself or the future,” Blankman said.
6. Get enough sleep and define ‘enough’ for you
Adequate sleep is foundational to self-love, but it looks different for everyone.
“The average adult needs about seven hours of sleep, but it varies by individual,” Blankman said.
One way to find your baseline, he suggests, is to wake up without an alarm for several days and track how much sleep your body naturally takes, but note that if you’ve been sleep deprived you may take some time to catch up.
7. Build more than one social lifeline
Even when it comes to self-love, human connection matters, but the quantity and quality of social ties can vary. Friends, mentors, romantic partners and community connections all serve different roles, and together they create a more solid support system.
“Having only one close friend may meet someone’s needs, but having all your eggs in one relationship can be risky,” Blankman said. “Different kinds of relationships meet different kinds of needs.”
8. Express love to yourself and others
Blankman encourages that if you have feelings for someone, they should be expressed.
“If you have loving feelings toward someone, express them in an appropriate way,” Blankman said.
Love languages are a real thing, and Blankman emphasized that in established relationships, you may want to learn your partner’s love language to give them exactly what makes them feel loved, not just for Valentine’s Day, but every day.
Blankman suggests asking your partner what makes them feel most loved. This will take the guessing out of what type of gift is most meaningful to them. That same principle applies inward.
“You deserve to feel good,” Myers said. “Telling yourself that is important psychologically.”
Moving your self-love meter doesn’t always require years of therapy. These small, intentional changes, practiced consistently, can make a lasting difference in your life.
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Good Relations is located at 329 2nd St., Eureka, CA 95502. Readers interested in shopping for something sexy or pleasurable this Valentine’s Day can stop by the store or call 707-441-9570.
Dr. Steve Blankman is a clinical psychologist in Arcata who sees students, staff and faculty from Cal Poly Humboldt in his private practice. He can be reached at 707-826-1207.
